Welcome back to the Heart Sage Counselling sharing space. Here, we gently explore the connection between your inner world, your relationships, and your body.
Many of us know what it feels like to be flooded — by anxiety, sadness, shame, or a tangle of feelings we can’t quite name. In those moments, the most common instinct is to fight ourselves: to push the feeling away, criticize ourselves for having it, or rush to fix it before we have even understood it.
This post offers a different path. It is a simple self-practice I call the PVC Heart — three small movements that follow a natural order: stabilize first, then hold what you feel, then offer yourself support.
- P — Present & Pause
- V — Validate
- C — Compassion
You don’t need any special skill or quiet retreat to try it. Just a few minutes, and a willingness to turn toward yourself instead of against yourself.
P — Present & Pause
Stabilization comes first.
Before anything else, slow down enough to notice yourself.
Pause. Feel your feet on the floor, your breath, your posture. Then gently ask:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What thoughts are here?
- What sensations are in my body?
- Am I safe in this moment?
If the honest answer is “not fully,” don’t push forward. Focus first on grounding:
- Look around the room and name what you see.
- Feel the contact between your body and the chair or floor.
- Lengthen your exhale, letting it be slower than your inhale.
- Remind yourself where you are, and that this moment — right now — is safe enough.
You might quietly say to yourself:
“I am here now.”
This step matters because the mind cannot reflect while the body is in alarm. Pausing is not avoidance — it is the foundation that makes the next two steps possible.
V — Validate
Emotional holding.
Once you are a little steadier, the next movement is validation — acknowledging your experience as understandable, instead of judging it or rushing to fix it.
You might try words like:
“It makes sense that I feel this way.”
“Something in me is hurting.”
“My body is trying to protect me.”
“These feelings are real, even if they are uncomfortable.”
Validation is often misunderstood. It is not agreeing with every thought, and it is not giving up on change. It is simply recognizing your inner experience without rejecting it.
When we stop arguing with our own feelings, something softens. The inner conflict — one part of us hurting, another part attacking it for hurting — begins to quiet down.
You might add:
“I don’t have to fight myself right now.”
C — Compassion
Self-support. This is the heart of the practice.
Now, offer yourself the kind of presence you would offer someone you deeply care about — a close friend, a child, someone you love.
You can bring in:
- warmth
- gentleness
- patience
- curiosity
- supportive touch — a hand on your chest, your face, or your arms
And you can ask yourself:
- What do I need right now?
- What would feel caring, rather than critical?
- Can I be with myself, instead of against myself?
Simple compassion phrases can help:
“May I be kind to myself.”
“I am learning.”
“I can care for this pain.”
“I deserve tenderness too.”
You might close the practice with:
“I can hold my experience with a compassionate heart.”
Why the Order Matters
The sequence is intentional: stabilization → emotional holding → self-support.
If we reach for compassion while our body is still in alarm, the kind words often can’t land. If we try to validate feelings before we have paused to notice them, we may not even know what we are validating. Each step prepares the ground for the next — the same way, in counselling, safety comes before exploration, and understanding comes before change.
When to Use It
The PVC Heart works best as a small, repeated practice rather than an emergency-only tool:
- in the morning, before the day begins
- after a difficult conversation
- when you notice self-criticism getting loud
- in quiet moments when an old ache surfaces
Like any relational skill, it grows with repetition. Being kind to yourself is not a personality trait — it is a practice.
A Gentle Note
Self-practices like this one can be steadying, but they are not a replacement for support. If your feelings are persistently overwhelming, or if pausing and turning inward brings up more distress than relief — which can happen, especially when there is a history of trauma — that is not a failure. It is a sign that this work may be easier to do with someone, rather than alone.
If you would like a calm, non-judgmental space to practice being with yourself — with someone alongside you — you are welcome to reach out.